9/11

i entered this comment in a friend's blog on his writeup about 9/11......

We are living more "on edge" now. Earlier this term was synonymous to living a hard paced life struggling to fit our schedule in a 24 hrs day. But now it has come to mean..living on the edge of terror...in a constant fear zone..any moment anything can happen maybe to us..or to our family/friends..or someone whom we distantly know...or others whom we don't know at all but who are people like us innocent and having done nothing to fall prey to such disasters....This a scary and creepy feeling which was well felt on the day after mumbai blasts..when i received well-being phone calls from all over the world and not just india...i wasn't scared after the blasts, although my sister had had a lucky escape..but these phone calls made me numb..and so much ..that i was in that stage for the whole month of july..Then after thinking a lot and realizing how helpless the whole system is...i also let the normal life take over my emotions and succumbed to the general grind of life!! yet once again!! and waiting for the next terror strike...

Mumbai blasts :-(

I still remember the movie "Bombay" which was made after 1993 blasts. I couldn't watch the movie because of the gory scenes which know I now is actually a reality.At that time, I was far away in another corner of the country.This time, I am here, in Mumbai itself. I am just speechless and shocked. Mumbai is in news for all the wrong reasons for the past 15 days. When will all these killings stop? Why are we, the public being punished for what we have not done? It maybe related to Kashmir issue or political reasons..whatever..why is our past still haunting us. Can't we live in the present? A request to the television media, please do not show the dead bodies and such pictures on media.Last but not the least, kudos to the Mumbaikars for springing back in action and not letting such adversity stop them.

another b'ful quote....

i think this blog is becoming my collection book of quotes ;-)

When you come to the edge of all the light you know,
and are about to step out in the darkness of the unknown;
Have faith in yourself

Faith is knowing one of the two things will happen
There will be something solid to stand on
Or you will be taught how to fly!!

7 things I hate

1) LIES
2) LIES
3) LIES
4) LIES
5) LIES
6) LIES
7) LIES

FOR EVERYTHING ELSE THERE IS A REASON......FOR THIS I CAN'T TAKE ANY!!!
THIS IS WHAT A PERSON DOES IN A FULLY CONSCIOUS STATE..........

7 important people in my life

1) My Father - For supporting me throughout...financially....emotionally.....socially....and all that you are doing for me today also.....

2) My Mother - For giving me birth.....

3) My Grand Mother - For doing all the things a mother does to bring up a child.....except giving birth.....

4) My Mausi - For being my friend/advisor/guide.....come what may, she is the first person I call when I am confused and at a loss to decision making...whether it is with my friends.....crushes...boyfriends or whatever....she is the only person in my family who knows everything about me.....

5) My Bua - Early on in my life, she was the only relative who came visiting my house and seeing her independent character...as compared to other female relatives in my small hometown......I decided that I would be like her....completely sure of myself ....and live my life on my terms....glad to say that I have managed to do that till date.....


6) Nilesh sir - I don't know where he is now, but I owe what I am today entirely to him and then to my hard work. From being a less than average student in my class, he instilled in me the confidence to top my class for 5 years in a row.. which in turn made me serious about my career....made a small girl decide to leave home early on to carve out a future for herself and her sisters.......going to the best school in India...and becoming an engineer
Thanks Sir, for the confidence.....the guidance.....and the years that you were in touch afterwards......To Sir, With Love....:-)

7) A Friend - .....the only other person who knows me apart from my mausi.....

7 things I love to do most

1) Reading books/magazines/newspapers....anything....I just love reading......
2) Writing....earlier I used to call it poems...but now I call them as "thoughts"
3) Walking....early in the morning before the sun is up...gives a sense of achievement
that I beat him in getting up and have started my day before he starts everyone else's......
although can't manage to do that these days....
4) Browsing through my collection of memoirs which includes various knick knacks right from my school days
5) Cleaning..it can be my cupboard, my house, my kitchen....it may be a task but it gives me immense satisfaction....
6) Dancing....on stage...which has recently been winning me laurels...its a passion...something which keeps me alive and going since my childhood........never realized that I will get a platform to showcase this hobby at this stage of my life too.....
7) Listening to songs.....which is generally on everyone's top item...is on the bottom of my list....as although i love doing this....but listening to my favorite songs makes me sad....but still this deserves to be on my list.......

Be Happy??

When I fell severely ill last month...the Doctor after diagnosing me advised me to BE HAPPY!
Since then I am wondering how can one "BE HAPPY??
Either one is happy or one is not....how can one be happy when maybe he is feeling nought?
Its not something one can enforce or pretend...like taking a pop-up pill
Even that would have been easier..taking a pop-up pill for BEING HAPPY...WOW!!

Although I am yet to meet someone who can say upfront to me that
"Hey there...I am a happy person!"

And me, have started to BEING HAPPY! :-)

life ka funda....

Don't go the way life takes you.
Take the life the way you go.
And remember you are born to live
And not living because you are born.........

pure love.....

Loving what you get is compromise....
Getting what you love is success.....
Loving till you don't get is true love....
Loving even after you know that you won't get is pure love....!

rigged knee vs broken heart

Sometimes i wish that i were a kid again...a rigged knee is better to mend than a broken heart - Anonymous

Stop Running !! Start Living…

The wandering clouds and the chirping birds
The fallen leaves and the cool breeze
The sunset on the horizon and the twinkling stars
The waves on the sea and the dew on the grass
The brush of the wind on my face and hair

Tell me to stop running and notice them
Tell me to stop trying so hard
Tell me to stop pretending to be so busy
Tell me to touch and feel them

The sound of the clock ticking away
The voice of the pigeon on my window-sill
The cycle bell of the daily milkman
The thud on my floor of the morning newspaper
The happy laughter of innocent urchins on the bus-stop

These are a few sounds which have ceased to exist
Lost in numerous meetings and keeping with deadlines
Drowned in the roaring traffic and the noise of local trains
These sound which we do not hear anymore;
Are living in our very own world, with a freedom of their own,
Whereas we are leading a baseless existence in noiseless chambers

Having no time for a walk to the nearby park
No time to have an ice-cream at the corner
No time for the regular visit to the “panipuriwallah”
No time to surprise a friend by dropping in unannounced

So caught up are we in our hectic schedules
That we have stopped LIVING
“We are merely existing”

So friends, stop running before its too late
Take a deep breath in the fresh air
And make way to feel a welcome change!!….START LIVING!!

I had written this way back in Dec 2004, now going back to this I feel that I have implemented quite a few things in my life.....I can now hear those sounds which are so missed in our lives
I had this poem on my desk since last one year and glancing at it daily serves as a reminder to me....
I am Happy that I have Started Living!! :-)

After a while you learn

After a while you learn

After a while you learn the subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and
Company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head Up
and your eyes open,
with the grace of an adult, Not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden and
decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure . . .
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and you learn . . .

@Nishiland Water Park - 11th March 2006

This was the most humbling experience I have ever had. I regularly participate in the activites of Maitree and felt this one would be no different. But it was! The trip was a visit to the Nishiland Water Park alongwith the blind children of Victoria Memorial Blind School in Mahalaxmi.We were their Jai and they our Veerus and we had to take the responsiblity of a kid and help him make the most of the day.

We had to leave at 5.a.m in the morning and I was so excited of the unknown that I didn't sleep the whole night. At 4.30a.m I woke up my room-mate. She had been with these kids earlier and was a kind of mental support for me which I needed a lot as the day progressed.We had tea at a gumti...I just love gumti tea :D

Our bus left at 6a.m.Till this time I was not thinking. Looking out of the window I saw the morning skyline after a long time. Dozed off, and woke up to a cheerful sun.
We were half an hour away from our destination when the reality sunk in. One of the co-ordinator briefed us about the trip.She explained that don't sympathize with these kids and behave with them as if you don't know they are blind.The point was, You Have To Make Their Day(the fish principle)
Then I realized.....I was going to meet blind kids........whew!!!

I was SCARED!! which was STRANGE....

I felt why did I ever come.....and it became obvious to me that I will not be able to handle it. Then I reminded myself that my friends know me as a bold n confident girl....i can't run away from this....
and also realized that even if i am scared these kids won't be able to see that.(what a guilty thought...)..i can pretend to be cheerful and enthusiastic with them.....a chilling thought....but adequate one....as it prevented me from running away.........

At 8.00a.m we reached the school.Our bus was the last one and already student associate pairs were formed.We had to pair with one kid each but my bus ppl were partnered with 2 kids each as there were less volunteer turnout.Handling 2 kids...when I myself was in a position to be handled!!
I was standing in a corner looking at the happy faces of the kids. They just looked like normal kids and were all excited and were vigorously chatting.Some were having deformities in the place of eyes and I was afraid to look at them. I felt very vulnerable at that time.

Finally, i got my partners Shailendra n Prashant, class 9 students who were taller than me :D.
How will I handle them? But luckily both were partially blind and my guilt was lessened. I reminded myself that I had to make their day. We were then given 2 sets of ribbons. Blue colored had my name and was tied to their hands in case they forgot my name and others will get them to me. And vice versa pink color had their names and was tied to my wrist, one on each hand.

We started towards the bus. Sat on a 3 seater. After some ice-breaking qs. we started playing antakshari. Me versus them. Midway I was sure I would have lost...with my pathetic collection of songs :) but was saved when we were called at the back of the bus to mingle with others. They went and sat with their friends and everyone started singing songs aloud as we do when we go on a picnic. This stolen moment when my responsibility was shared gave me a chance to doze off. I knew I had a big day ahead and need to catch up on my sleep. So I slept peacefully for the next 2 hours and was woken up when we reached Nishi.....I was told that few more volunteers had joined us and now I need to take care of only one kid, Shailendra.....I felt a little relieved.
And guess what...a coincidence that happened that day, this kid shailendra shared his nickname with my good name :D. Everyone was saying that see 2 duplicates are going....;-)

At Nishi, we were treated to a sumptuous breakfast of poha,jalebi and upma. I was more concerned with the food as I was damn hungry, but my partner wanted to go the waters asap.But we were grouped according to our bus no. and were told to stay in a group. Finally we attacked the waters.
It was the Doom Slide for the first session. What a great slide!! It nearly drowned me on my first slide. I lost my specs in the waters and had to furiously look for it while my partner was as confident as if he visits these slides every month.I felt foolish, damn it!Then my roomie came up to me...i guess she realized that i was feeling uncomfortable and was a great support the whole day.Thanks dear!
Our kids,( yes, thts wht we were calling them the whole day..though mine was taller than me :-( )
were having a great time by themself and we also thought to chill out. I took the same slide 'n' number of times till my fear was replaced with excitement.

Then we went to another pool where there were lots of slides for kids...my partner was a confident one and was enjoying n helping his friends enjoy. Because of him i actually did not feel very responsible and this gave me a lot of time to sit silently and be with myself.Lots of fears melted down.I was happy from within and was actually enjoying myself to the core.
We had lunch at 1pm and then sat down for antakshari followed by a round of passing the parcel.I was not too involved at this time and was lazing off in the lawn.God!I was so tired but these kids had 20 times my energy.I again dozed off.(the next time i will not miss my night before sleep). At 4 pm there was a gift giving ceremony when they were presented with a Maitree school bag. There were some exchange of experiences which i was not interested in listening as i was watching the happy faces of these kids.
Finally time to depart. We were separated from our Veerus on the return journey.Everyone bode a bye to their veerus with a heavy heart, gave their phone nos. and promised that they will visit them sometime in the weekend. My Veeru told me that why this is of one day, should be a month long.
I realized how important the day was for him. For us, it was supposed to be just another day but it wasn't.On my return journey of 3 hours, I took a window seat and started reflecting the entire day.
Did some quick soul searching, realized hidden truths, felt relieved that i can see......and also promised myself that I will donate my eyes before dying.Whenever i saw that aishwarya rai adv. on tv i could never make myself promise that i will donate my eye as i thought it will be a very painful process.But now things are different.This is the reason why I wrote this blog.

And to end, I would like to say , that my contribution was not so significant, I just helped Maitree meet the numbers so that all the kids were escorted by an associate. But I am sure I would be looking forward to the next such outing and will contribute significantly in that.

Tables were turned at the end of the day.It was not me who made their day.....
They Made My Day!!!!!

PS: Just now my roomie told me that we will be going to celebrate holi together,hopefully!

Freezing Time

Crazy
I read this somewhere....and got the goosebumps at that time...just recalled it a few minutes back.....
If you want to freeze time, let it be in photographs and not in your lives.
when i started writing this post...i had not frozen enough of time...but today i feel.........
that yes......finally i have understood the real meaning of this phrase.......
and am a very happy and rechristened person today!!

Welcome to Blogging!!

...and in the end its not the years in your life that counts.....itz the life in your years.....
with this i hope to put life in my years....Happy bloggin to myself!!

With this post....i enter the world of blogging.....in the new year of 2006.....when i expect
a lot of changes in my life.....:-)